I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
