Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
