I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
