Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it was like eating out sand paper
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
