i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
