Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
