Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
