Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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