When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
