Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
