you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
