is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
