I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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