Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
