Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
