The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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