I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
