I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
