i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
