If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
