i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
