I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
