My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
