If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
