i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
