i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I don't deserve a penis
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
