even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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