Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
