he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
