If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
we made out on top of his cat.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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