Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
