I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
