i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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