come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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