I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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