When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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