I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
