It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
