He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
