this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
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