You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
