If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize