Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
