I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
