He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
