Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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