the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We got so high we made milksteak
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
