Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
