if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
