butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
