Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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