3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
