She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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