I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize