Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
