I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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