It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
