normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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