ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
