Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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