At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
