i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize