i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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