I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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