Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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