I skipped work to stalk him.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
