just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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