I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
