If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
