He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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