guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
